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Sunday, July 26, 2015

Divorce and polygamy.

The ride was not finished (322)

(Part three hundred twenty-two), Depok, West Java, Indonesia, 26 July 2015, 16:07 pm)

Divorce and polygamy.

Basically it would be difficult for a woman to accept the fact that her husband will marry again or have a second wife (polygamy) or her husband having an affair (dating or sex with other women besides herself.
Most of the women when discovered her husband had another wife, either by mating (married) officially in the Religious Affairs Office (KUA) and married (nikah) secretly (mating series: legally married according to religious laws / but not recorded in the KUA office).
Most wives immediately demanded a divorce (separation), both orally and in law (court).
In Indonesia, the women in the village (kampung) usually accept the existing situation, it means usually resigned to his condition did polygamy, usually because the women in the village are not economically independent and highly dependent on the husband living in the kitchen household expenditure and other costs ( school / education) for children.
While in the cities the women usually economically independent so most of them filed for divorce from her husband who practice polygamy.
There are even some of those who let her husband keep polygamy, and still do not do divorce, usually on the consideration of all the cost of education (schools) are still dependent husband.
Although the couple is still one home, his wife lived on the second floor, husband slept downstairs (separate beds), meaning that although outside the couple's home still looks harmonious, but in the house is actually alive like hell, always fight without end of the base.
Thus the real life as pseudo-happy life made up. In terms of both actual religion only indulgence the devil in order to continue to commit adultery (sin).
No longer willing to serve her husband (sex) on sinning husband, because her husband is still valid so her husband, and her husband the same unfair wives also sin.
Until the Prophet in his saying warns that a husband who does not do justice to his wife on the Day of Judgment will run like a stroke (walking lopsided).
Allah in the Qur'an does allow us to marry (married) to a maximum of four women, but if we fear can not do justice, then one only marry same woman (monogamy) (Al Qur'an Surah An Nisa verse 4)
Prophet Muhammad himself did polygamy after his first wife (Khadija) died, his wife and even then other than Aiyah, are war widows (jihadis), there were over 60 years old, whereas the Prophet when it was still 50 years old.
So the Prophet Muhammad because of his polygamous religious duty not merely indulge in lust sex.
Besides the Prophet and the Infallible Rasul it (kept God from sin), so always do justice to his wives.
So the men because we are not infallible, so think twice before deciding to polygamy.

Causes of Divorce and tips anticipate.

Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Nasir Al Humaid

Is something that is very alarming, the number of cases of divorce in the Islamic world due to various factors, which can actually be anticipated. Though the impact is very worrying in the community; individually or in groups. Would not it be possible to find solutions to these issues in the treasures of Islamic Shari'ah which has a complexity and perfect?

This article is the work of a scholar named Dr. Muhammad Nasir Al Humaid. He is one of the teaching staff in Jami'ah Islamiyah Al Madinah. Writing is a reflection of the society of the Islamic world are now semankin far from the guidelines of the Qur'an and Sunnah. As a result of it, an attempt to create a society Shari'ah of Islam is good and right with the fabric of marriage began to falter with the number of divorce cases.

In this paper, he mentioned several important points that cause divorce. Most of the causes of it, can be anticipated and no solution. However, some who have no other alternative, except divorce.

He split because this divorce into three parts. First, since the advent of the husband's divorce. Secondly, since the advent divorce from his wife. Third, because divorce is caused by both families married couples.

First: Husband does not fulfill the obligations imposed -that God him- to wife, is due to factors ignorant (do not understand), negligent, or because of deliberately opposing the Shari'ah of Allah.

Properly, a husband learn to know about the rights of his wife. Not bumble it is trivial, and let him fear Allah in his associate. thus, it is expected that their household ark together will remain a lasting navigating under the auspices of the noble Islamic Shari'a. Among the rights of a wife against her husband, the husband to treat his wife well, giving him a living, honor, prostrate-soft, recognizes the shortcomings of his wife, and decorated in front of him.

Ibn 'Abbaas anhu said, "I am very happy and strive to make up in front of my wife, as I will be happy if he dressed up for me, because God said,

ولهن مثل الذي عليهن بالمعروف

For them (the wives) are rights that must be fulfilled (to their husbands), as they have rights that must be fulfilled husband. [Al-Baqarah: 228]. [1]

Second: Do not obey the will of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam, (ie) in order to marry a devout religious woman, as in his saying,

تنكح المرأة لأربع لمالها ولحسبها ولجمالها ولدينها فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك

Women married for four things, since his property, his descendants, beauty, and religion; then seek religious. [2]

When one of the couple are religious, while others do not obey, it will definitely happen assorted tempest between the two. A devout will do things that God approves, while his partner who is not obedient, it will definitely indulge his desires.

Should, a man who would woo women to heed the message of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam above, to find a couple who are religious -although long- must wait until getting the woman. By marrying women religious, husbands undoubtedly will be able to ship sailed home with full of happy, with God's permission of course.

A husband has a great responsibility to preach to his wife and advised her with patience, wise and gentle. AllahSubhanahu wa Ta'alal said,

وأمر أهلك بالصلاة واصطبر عليها

And command your family to pray and be patient over it. [Taha: 132].

Allah said.

ادع إلى سبيل ربك بالحكمة والموعظة الحسنة وجادلهم بالتي هي أحسن

And summon people into streets thy Lord with wisdom and good advice, and Argue them in the best way. [An-Nahl: 125].

Thus, the wife is expected to be able to be better with the permission of Allah.

Third: Conditions households away from the religious atmosphere and obey God, especially if in the house there are various means that damage, such as broadcast television, magazines or CDs that undermine the foundations of morality.

Should, in the house of a believer is always read the Qur'an, especially Surat al-Baqara which has primacy. Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam.

لا تجعلوا بيوتكم مقابر, إن الشيطان ينفر من البيت الذي تقرأ فيه سورة البقرة

You should not make your house look like a cemetery; real devil-devil will run away from homes that are read in it Surat al-Baqara. [3]

Thus it is clear, that the house is never recited the Qur'an, even it is filled with immoral means inviting the wrath of Allah, (the house) will be loved by satan-satan. Finally, tranquility and serenity vanished, resulting in destroyed luluhnya mahligai households have fostered.

Should, couples trying to keep their house in order not to enter devil-devil, as they keep it from thieves entered. Both have to concern themselves with things that are useful to the world and the afterlife, rather than busy wallowing in immoral to destroy it. Adorn the house with dhikrullah, broadcast or recitations of the Qur'an. That's the best of friends at home. Allah said.

ألابذكر الله تطمئن القلوب

Remember with dhikr to God, hearts find satisfaction. [Ar Ra'du: 28].

A believer who acts do not be fooled, if you see the full wallowing households disobedience and munkar, but as if both couples (those) living in harmony and peace without any dispute. In a hadith narrated by Ibn Mas'ud radi 'anhu, the Prophet sallallaahu' alaihi wa sallam said,

إن الله يعطي الدنيا من أحب ومن لا يحب ولا يعطي الدين إلا لمن أحب

Verily Allah Almighty give the world a favor to the people who loved and detested; but He will not give favors religion, except to His beloved people alone. [4]

God intentionally gave respite to the perpetrators of disobedience, as in his words,

لايغرنك تقلب الذين كفروا في البلاد; متاع قليل ثم مأواهم جهنم وبئس المهاد

Do not be fooled by the act infidels on earth. Indeed it is only momentary pleasure, then they will be put into Hell. That is an evil place. [Al Imran: 196-197].

As word,

والذين كذبوا بئاياتنا سنستدرجهم من حيث لايعلمون; وأملي لهم إن كيدي متين;

And those who deny Our revelations, We shall give them respite, without knowing. then will I give them the due time. Indeed, hokey my powers are very strong. [Al A'raf: 182-183].

Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said,

إن الله ليملي للظالم حتى إذا أخذه لم يفلته

Indeed, God deliberately suspend (penalty) against a zhalim, when it comes to his time, God will punish him without giving an opportunity again. [5]

People who want to pay attention to homes in which the full disobedience, will find, that they live in peace forever. Certainly many of those who live in shock and anxiety. Word of Allah Ta'ala,

من كان يريد العاجلة عجلنا له فيها مانشآء لمن نريد

Anyone who wants the world, then we will give to anyone who we want. [Al-Isra: 18].

It is obvious, that not all people who want the pleasure world will get it.

Fourth: The husband who is not patient. Probably, this factor occurs due to negligence, or ignorance of basic character and nature of God created woman. Woman was created from a crooked rib, as the words of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam.

استوصوا بالنساء خيرا فإنهن خلقن من ضلع وإن أعوج شيء في الضلع أعلاه, فإن ذهبت تقيمه كسرته وإن تركته لم يزل أعوج فاستوصوا بالنساء خيرا

You do good in female associate. Indeed, they are created from a rib. And indeed, the most crooked rib is the most over the top. If you are trying to straighten it, then you will break it. If you leave, then he will remain crooked. Then, you do good to them. [6]

In another narration,

إن المرأة خلقت من ضلع ولن تستقيم على طريقة فإن استمتعت بها وبها عوج, و إن ذهبت تقيمها كسرتها, وكسرها طلاقها

Indeed, the woman created from a crooked rib, and he would not be able to remain istiqomah with one condition. If you have fun with it, and you will find it to him, but he still would not bend. If you are trying to straighten it, then you will break it, break it means that you divorce her. [7]

Let the husband realizes basic character and nature of women, in order to respond wisely and patiently, because this is the nature of all women. Thus, the husband can tolerate mistakes and they do not need to take it personally. Hasan Basri rahimahullah said, "A noble man will not be too careful account of all his mistakes." [8]

Fifth: The anger that overflows too much into the cause of her husband quickly dropped thalak. In fact, there are in part the husband has bad character, (ie) are always threatening to divorce his wife, if it violates what is hated, even if only trivial.

Husband should be able to withstand the turbulence of anger, and sought to silence. Do not let her husband speak without restraint, to involuntarily take the words "thalak". Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

ليس الشديد بالصرعة إنما الشديد الذي يملك نفسه عند الغضب

Not a strong man who can knock your opponent in a fight, (but) the strong is the one who can dampen kejolak angry, when he would be angry. [9]

In a story, never a man came to the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam and said, "Give me advice," the Prophet sallallaahu' alaihi wa sallam said, "Do not be angry," he again asked and the Prophet was still kept repeating, "Do not be angry . " [10]

Tip Rasululullah sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam In Angry Anticipate.

• Trying to be quiet when going mad, the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

وإذا غضبت فاسكت, وإذا غضبت فاسكت

If you get angry, then be quiet. If you get angry, then be quiet. [11]

• Take refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan.
Sulaiman Ibn Sard radi 'anhu narrated, once two people are railing against one another in the presence of the Prophet. Meanwhile, we were sitting at his side. One of them insulted the other with angry, red face up. Then the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

إني لأعلم كلمة لو قالها لذهب عنه ما يجد, لو قال: أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم ...

I know of a sentence, if pronounced by him (the man who blushes, ed.), Then the anger will disappear. Let him say: Audzubillahi minasysyaithannirrajim (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan). [12]

• If you are angry, try to sit down. If it still angry, then let lie. Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

إذا غضب أحدكم و هو قائم فليجلس فإن ذهب عنه الغضب و إلا فليضطجع

If one of you angry and she was standing, then let sit. If still not subsided anger, then let lie. [13]

• Wudoo, because ablution can quell anger. Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

إن الغضب من الشيطان وإن الشيطان خلق من نار وإنما تطفأ النار بالماء فإذا غضب أحدكم فليتوضأ

Indeed, the anger that comes from Satan. And Satan created from fire. And indeed, the fire can be extinguished with water. If one of you angry, then berwudhulah. [14]

• Get out of the house to avoid contention.
In this ever happened to Ali, as narrated by Bukhari and Muslim from Sahl Ibn Sa'ad, he recounted, Prophet Fatimah went to the house, but he did not find Ali. Then he said to Fatima, "Where is your uncle son (Ali)?" Fatima replied, "We're arguing that makes me angry, then he came out and did not nap at my house." The Apostle sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said to someone, "Seek where he is! "Then people had come and said," O Messenger of Allah, he was sleeping in the mosque, "the Prophet came to him in a state of lying, shawl fallen from his shoulders and dusty, then the Prophet wiped the dust from it and say," Arise, O Abu Turaab Wake up, O Abu Turaab! " [15]

Both husband and wife trying to not let enrages her partner, let alone both of them have understood the nature of each. In this case, the wife should try to avoid things that make her husband emotion, and finally dropped thalak.

Is something that is very alarming, the number of cases of divorce in the Islamic world due to various factors, which can actually be anticipated. Though the impact is very worrying in the community; individually or in groups. Would not it be possible to find solutions to these issues in the treasures of Islamic Shari'ah which has a complexity and perfect?

He split because this divorce into three parts. First, since the advent of the husband's divorce. Secondly, since the advent divorce from his wife. Third, because divorce is caused by both families married couples.
Sixth: The behavior often makes a bad husband wife demanded khul'a (asked for a divorce by returning the dowry given her husband). Many a husband who has a bad temper, vile-mouthed, always swearing, curse or always hitting his wife.

Let the husband fear Allah in the associate's wife. He should be grateful to God who has given him a wife. The wife can dampen volatility and making iffah syahwatnya (maintaining the sanctity of self), especially if the wife has given birth to her children. Is not this should make it thank Allaah? The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam intestate.

إستوصوا بالنساء خيرا

Do let you in associate wives.

In a narration mentioned:

ألا واستوصوا بالنساء خيرا فإنما هن عوان عندكم

Remember, you do good in the associate wives. Indeed, they are 'awanin [1] (captive) on your side. [2]

The Prophet said, "Do not you strike your wives," then Umar came to the Prophet and said, "Zu'irna [3] an nisa (wives had dared to oppose the husband)," the Prophet allowed the husband to beat his wife. After that the women came to the house of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam treatment complained of their husbands, the Prophet said, "A lot of women come to the house of the family of Muhammad sue their husbands treatment. Indeed, the husband who did it (beating the wife) is not the parents the best of you. "[4]

He also said.

لا يجلد أحدكم امرأته جلد العبد ثم يجامعها في آخر اليوم

Let not any one of you beat his wife as a slave hitting, then he intervene at the end of the day. [5]

In another narration.

يعمد أحدكم فيجلد امرأته جلد العبد فلعله يضاجعها من آخر يومه

Why would one of you beat his wife as a slave hit, then fuck her at the end of the day? [6]

Seventh: He wanted to control his wife property, or force his wife to give him the treasure he had. This case overrides many wives who have jobs. Usually it will damage relations between the two, and not a little end in divorce.

Allah said.

ولا تعضلوهن لتذهبوا ببعض مآءاتيتموهن إلآ أن يأتين بفاحشة مبينة

Do you hold them (wives) (to be married) so that you can bring some of the treasures that they give to you, unless they commit lewdness real. [An Nisa: 19].

Allah said.

فإن طبن لكم عن شىء منه نفسا فكلوه هنيئا مريئا

If they willingly give their wealth to you, then eat a fine. [An Nisa: 4].

It is not lawful for the husband takes the wife property, except with his willingness or if wives do nuzus. When a man marries a woman who affluent, if wanted the treasure of his wife, then demanded of him to prostrate-soft. This method is more effective for him to get his wish. Another way that allowed him, by a requirement, that a wife should help her by giving portion of the proceeds of his salary. And this is fine; especially with the workings of his wife, will reduce a little more attention and obligations towards her husband. Thus it can not be denied, as the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam.

المسلمون على شروطهم إلا شرطا حرم حلالا أو أحل حراما

The Muslims are required to keep promises (agreement) that they do, unless an agreement which forbids a kosher or justify the unlawful. [7]

How many households do not fall apart when his wife gives husband what to expect. The wife let understand this, in order to maintain the continuity of the household and for the benefit of children so as not neglected. Allah says, والصلح خير (Actually it's better to make peace). The act of women giving wealth to the husband is an attempt to make peace. Hopefully God will give him the best reward. Allah said.

فمن عفا وأصلح فأجره على الله

Whoever is forgiving and reconciliation act, then the reward reward with Allah. [Ash-Shura: 40]

Eighth: indifference husband to wife.
Many husbands do not give enough attention and prefer to sleep outside rather than gathering and communicating with his wife. Moreover, sometimes busy outdoors in matters trivial and useless.

A husband is required to be able to provide sufficient time and attention to his wife. Not justified constantly leaving his wife, although the pretext busy doing other acts of worship, such as sunnah fasting and prayer night. Did not the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

إن لجسدك عليك حقا وإن لعينك عليك حقا وإن لزوجك عليك حقا

Thrown you have the right (to rest), your eyes have a right (to sleep), and your wife has a right over you. [8]

Once a woman came to Umar Ibn Al Khattab to complain, "O Commander of the Faithful. My husband is always a fasting and prayer night. I'm actually reluctant to report it to you because of his always carry sunnah1 worship. "Umar replied," How wonderful husband, "but she was still repeating his words, and Umar replied the same answer. Finally, Ka'ab Al Asadi said, "O Commander of the Faithful. This woman actually denounce the attitude of her husband who does not care about him anymore, "then Umar said," As you understand from this woman, then I leave you to hear this case. "Finally Ka'ab call her husband. When (her husband) came, Ka'b said to him, "Your wife to sue you to the Commander of the Faithful." He asked, "For what? Is it because I gave not eat or drink? "Ka'b replied," No. "

Finally she said:

ياأيها القاضي الحكيم رشده ألهى خليلي عن فراشي مسجده
زهده في مضجعي تعبده فاقض القضا كعب ولا تردده
نهاره وليله ما يرقده فلست في أمر النساء أحمده

O wise judge,
The mosque had neglected my husband out of bed
Worship makes it not requiring bed
Adililah this case, O Ka'ab and do you reject
Day and night never sleeps
In the case of female associate, I do not praise him

Then her husband replied:

زهدني في فراشها وفي الحجل أني امرؤ أذهلني ما قد نزل
في سورة النحل وفي السبع الطول وفي كتاب الله تخويف جلح

I Zuhud not go to bed and chambers
Because I've kept busy and confused by what has gone down
Namely Surat an-Nahl and seven letters long
And the Book of Allah made me scared and worried

Upon hearing this, Ka'b said:

إن لها عليك حقا يا رجل نصيبها في أربع لمن عقل
فاعطها ذاك ودع عنك العلل

He has a right upon you, O man
A four-day quota for people who have sense
Berikah that right, and leave blemish that is in you [9]

Ninth: Trivial with the wording "thalak".
Some husbands, often looks so light out the words "thalak" to his wife. Sometimes jokingly remark divorce her lips. Though the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

ثلاث جدهن جد وهزلهن جد النكاح والطلاق والرجعة

Three kinds of cases will continue to occur, although spoken in earnest or in jest, namely: marriage, divorce, and ruju '. [10]

Properly, a husband safeguard his tongue. Do not underestimate the wording thalak, who unwittingly may undermine household building, until it can bring prolonged regret, after the rice into porridge.
Tenth: Ila '(vow husband) not to interfere with her forever, or more than four months.
Thus this is a form of brutality husband to wife. In this condition, the wife has the right to file for divorce after the expiration of four months. Because Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala says.

للذين يؤلون من نسآئهم تربص أربعة أشهر فإن فآءو فإن الله غفور رحيم وإن عزموا الطلاق فإن الله سميع عليم

For husbands who vowed not to interfere with his wife, then the wife waited for four months. If he comes back in the future to his wife, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. If he intends to divorce, Allah is Hearing, Knowing. [Al-Baqarah: 226-227].

Then the husband should not menzhalimi rights of the wife. Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said.

اتقوا الظلم فإن الظلم ظلمات يوم القيامة

Fear ye do injustice. Indeed, the brutality of darkness on the Day of Judgment. [11]

If the four-month period will expire, should he ruju 'to his wife, as recommended Allah in His Word: If he comes back in the future to his wife, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful (Al-Baqarah: 226). If not ruju ', then it is obligatory upon divorce his wife, if the wife demands it. However, if the patient's wife (do not ask for a divorce, although it has been over four months), for the sake of children or other things, then it is okay as long as he believes protected from unlawful acts. Inshallah she (the wife) will get a double reward reward from God, with the hope that one day her husband got directions from God. Allah said.

ومن يتق الله يجعل له من أمره يسرا

Whoever is devoted to Allah, will be made easy for him all his affairs. [Ath Thalaq: 4].

Eleventh: Feeling unhappy because his wife gave birth to a daughter. Because of ignorance, partly husband threatened to divorce his wife, if it gets a baby girl.

Actually obliged him faithful to the dictates of Allah and takdirNya. Female or male baby was born on his will alone. As for man, can not choose. Allah said.

وربك يخلق مايشآء ويختار ماكان لهم الخيرة

And thy Lord who creates anything that pleases and choose, there is no human right to choose. [Al Qhasas: 68].

Allah said.

ويهب لمن يشآء الذكور أو يزوجهم ذكرانا وإناثا ويجعل من يشآء عقيما

He gives anyone who pleases baby girl, and give anyone who wills baby boy, he also makes anyone He wills barren. [Ash-Shura: 49-50].

Twelfth: Appears feelings of dislike against the wife, as always comparing her with other women better than his wife in religion, morality, beauty, knowledge, intelligence and so on. Finally, the husband away from his wife without cause syar'i, such as: meyeleweng wife or husband opposed.

Husband should be patient so that he was lucky to get promise.

وعاشروهن بالمعروف فإن كرهتموهن فعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا ويجعل الله فيه خيرا كثيرا

And hang out to them well. Bias so you hate something, but God made therein much good. [An Nisa: 19].

In interpreting this verse, Ibn Abbas said, "Husband prostrate-gently to his wife, God gives the gift of children are doing well."

Ibn Kathir said, "Maybe your patience by not divorce you do not like, will bring you happiness in this world and hereafter."

Imam Asy Syaukani said, "May you hate attitude toward his wife, will be replaced God with an attitude of love that will bring much good, intimate relationship or sustenance of children. Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:

لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنة إن كره منها خلقا رضي منها آخر

(Let someone hates her partner. If he hates one of her attitude, certainly in anything else he would be willing). "[12]

It was narrated from Umar radi 'anhu, he said, "Very few households are built on love. However, most people associate (married) partner on the basis of Islam, connect nasab or to do charity. "[13]

Ibn Arabi said with sanadnya and said, "There is a sheikh known scholar and has a notch, named Abu Muhammad Ibn Abi Zaid [14]. His wife behaves ugly, do not perform their duties as wives and always hurt her with his tongue. Many people were surprised and denounced the attitude of temper towards his wife. When asked about the attitude of temper towards his wife, Abu Muhammad always said, "I have given God a wide variety of favors, such as: health, science and slaves had. Maybe my wife ugly attitude terhdapku caused God's punishment to me, for my sins. I'm afraid, if he divorced me going down test more severe than the test temperament ugly wife. "[15]

Properly, this is a valuable lesson for husbands. It does not matter, if he wanted to marry another woman in addition. Allah said.

فانكحوا ماطاب لكم من النسآء مثنى وثلاث ورباع

Marry women who are doing well, two, three or four. [An Nisa: 3].

Thirteenth: The tendency of a husband to his wife-if one has more than one- by reason of fear of sin; so he was forced to divorce his wife who is less preferred.

In these circumstances, the wife should be divorced reconcile with her husband, as the word of God.

وإن امرأة خافت من بعلها نشوزا أو إعراضا فلاجناح عليهمآ أن يصلحا بينهما صلحا والصلح خير

If a wife was afraid divorced by her husband or kept, then it does not matter if they carry out as sulhu (agreement), and reconcile it better. [An Nisa: 128].

In interpreting this verse, 'Aisha said, "A husband saw flaws in the wife does not like, such as: age who have parents and other causes. So, he intends to divorce, but his wife begged her husband not to divorce, and ready to accept any treatment against her husband. Thus this is a solution to avoid a divorce, if both agree. "[16]

Ibn Abbas narrated, "Sauda fear Prophet divorced her (because he was older). Then he said, 'O Messenger of Allah, do not divorce me. I am ready to give my turn to 'Aisha,' the Apostles received the proposal and verse came down: It does not matter if they make a deal, and it's better to make peace. "[17]

Rafi 'Ibn Khadij tell, that he has a wife who has old. Then he married another young woman. Finally Rafi 'more inclined to the young wife. Seeing treatment Rafi ', ​​then his wife's parents protested. Then Rafi 'dropped thalak one. When the iddahnya will end, Rafi 'said to him, "If you want, I'll ruju' to you; provided that, you are willing (to) perlakuanku you. If not, (then) I will let up iddahmu completed, and not ruju 'to you, "the wife replied," Ruju'lah, I will try to wait with your attitude. After Rafi ruju ', he again protested the treatment of Rafi' him, then Rafi 'decided to divorce. Rafi 'said, "That's what sulhu as Allah has revealed in His Word: If a wife was afraid divorced by her husband or kept, then it does not matter if they carry out as sulhu (agreement), and reconcile it better." [18]

Clearly understanding the intent sulhu in verse, the wife is ready to accept whatever is given to her husband, despite having to reduce some of their rights, such as the obligation to spend the night at her husband or living. This is to avoid a divorce, and she remains the wife. Because it would be better for him, than to live without a husband. Especially if she has children of her husband, atupun he was old and afraid of the risk of divorce. Remember the words of God: And it's better to make peace. [An Nisa: 128].

Fourteenth: prolonged disease that afflicts her husband. Sometimes it is the cause of the wife demanded a divorce.
If only the wife would take care of the patient and remain expects a reply from God, it would be better for him, as the word of God.

إنما يوفى الصابرون أجرهم بغير حساب

Indeed, those who are patient will be rewarded infinite. [Az-Zumar: 10]

However, if he was afraid of slipping into unlawful acts by deviant, caused her husband can no longer serve the needs of the biological, (then) in a condition like this, why did not he demand that religion and divorced in order to maintain the sanctity of himself; maintains this case is something that is mandatory.

Fifteenth: Attitudes suspicious husband to wife, due to the influence of Satan whisper. He should seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan, and not bad berperasangka. Allah said.

ياأيها الذين ءامنوا اجتنبوا كثيرا من الظن إن بعض الظن إثم

O you who believe, avoid prejudice, actual prejudice is a sin. [Al Hujurat: 12].

Husband should be aware, that the case of the most sought satan is split between two husband and wife. In a hadith, the Prophet said.

إن إبليس يضع عرشه على الماء ثم يبعث سراياه فأدناهم منه منزلة أعظمهم فتنة يجيء أحدهم فيقول فعلت كذا وكذا فيقول ما صنعت شيئا قال ثم يجيء أحدهم فيقول ما تركته حتى فرقت بينه وبين امرأته قال فيدنيه منه ويقول نعم أنت

Indeed Satan put the kingdom on the water, and then he took care of his soldiers. The highest position is the greatest satan fitnahnya to humans. One of them said to Satan, "I have done such and such," The devil replied, "You have not done anything," then came another devil and said, "It is not I leave someone I teased, until I managed to separate he with his wife, "the devil sat nearby and said," You are the best of my army. "[19]

Sixteenth: Husband wife is under power. The migration of household reins of leadership to his wife, who should be in tanggan husband. Yet God says.

الرجال قوامون على النسآء بما فضل الله بعضهم على بعض وبما أنفقوا من أموالهم

The man is a leader for women with excess that God bestowed on some of them and to make a living because they provide (the wives). [An Nisa: 34]

It can absolutely happen, because the husband of personal weakness or a false presumption, that his attitude was as a form of homage to his wife. So that when he is conscious and want to restore it to her leadership, it turns out he could not. So that, eventually led to divorce.

Since getting married, a husband must be completely aware, that the leadership of the household shall be in tanggannya. Do not let excessive love or pride can marry the woman, finally made him weak in the presence of his wife and culminate with regret useless.

Seventeenth: Husband wife comes home at night after a long travel without prior notice. This sometimes made him see things he hated, because the wife in a state not ready for him. Prophet said.

إذا أطال أحدكم الغيبة فلا يطرق أهله ليلا

If you are traveling a long time, so do not you come home your wife at night. [20]

In another narration.

كي تمتشط الشعثة وتستحد المغيبة

So that the old wives abandoned decorated with hair combed and shaved pubic hair. [21]

Her husband should come home during the day when he came home from traveling in a long time, and to inform in advance about his return, his wife in order not surprised.

Eighteenth: Households are fostered on the basis of the correspondence, or communicate by phone -which popular with the term courtship before marriage.

Mahligai households kropos dibanggun on a foundation like this, it will usually lead to destruction. A llah says.

أفمن أسس بنيانه على تقوى من الله ورضوان خير أم من أسس بنيانه على شفا جرف هار فانهاربه في نار جهنم والله لايهدي القوم الظالمين

Is it the same people who built the foundation on top of taqwa and good pleasure of Allah with those who build the foundation over the abyss of hell, which ultimately makes it fall into Hell; Allah will not leadeth those who do kezhaliman. [At Tawbah: 109]

Ibn Sa'di rahimahullah said, "Truly an act that is done with sincerity and following the Sunnah, that meaning is built on the foundation of piety that will bring about a paradise of bliss. The actions are built on bad intentions, heresy and apostasy, that foundation is built on the edge of the abyss, which makes it sink into Hell. And Allah will not guide those wrongdoers. "[22]

Should men who want to apply for a woman to come to his guardian, and went to the house of the door, as the word of God.

ولكن البر من اتقى وأتوا البيوت من أبوابها

But virtue is pious, and enter homes through the door. [Al-Baqarah: 189]

Ibn Sa'di said, "From this verse can be picked benefit, that man should enter in various affairs of the easiest road, near which will be delivered to the destination." [23]

The women not to fall to the illicit relationships (dating) is deceptive; so as not to anger his Lord who will bring failure in his life.

Nineteenth: When the application process, the husband did not see the bride. Sometimes in his mind, imagining her husband about the figure of the ideal wife. However, completion of the contract entered into room- -when he was surprised to see his wife who is not as ideal in nature imagination. Normally, this would turn him away from his wife.

Therefore, should the prospective husband saw it first female candidate to be dilamarnya. The family of the woman not to block it, as this is the Messenger n command and became one of the factors that may perpetuate marriage.

From Mughirah Ibn Shu'bah, that he proposed to a woman, then the Prophet said to him.

انظر إليها فإنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما

Look at him, because it would melangengkan your relationship. [24]

Twentieth: Late married. Experts argue that marry late will lead to a relationship that is not happy and harmonious as a dream. The reason, because both have a lot of taste various kinds of values ​​or norms of the environment with a variety of tone. This makes it difficult to adjust temperament with a partner character. Until finally the many problems that arise as a result of the collision of two distinct character hard compromised. Surveys and facts found proven experts in the field, that the marital relationship late marriage couples will soon be fragmented and household buildings they have built will soon collapse.

Therefore, the youth should hasten to get married and make it happen. We remind a hadith of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam.

ثلاثة حق على الله عونهم المجاهد في سبيل الله والمكاتب الذي يريد الأداء والناكح الذي يريد العفاف

Three kinds of people required for God to help him; a mujahid in Allah's way, the slave who wants to redeem himself to be independent and to be married to a 'iffah. [25]

This hadith gives motivation to the youth, that God promised to help him and facilitate his business, if he berazzam to marry. So there is no longer any reason for him, but began to try to make it happen and put my trust in Allah.

Let be known, that was married at an early age will facilitate pasagan husband and wife to be able to interact and understand the nature of each. Moreover, early marriage is very effective to maintain the sanctity of the people, have a positive impact on health and thinking certain maturity, as reality has proven. That's why Islam suggests.

Instead women are also not too late to get married. Early marriage is more supportive of domestic happiness, as mentioned above. If it comes to him a man who sekufu '(equivalent), then it is obligatory for him to accept and not reject, although the reason for the study and so on. Do not waste the opportunity that comes. Bias so, will never again come to the man who sekufu 'or even not forthcoming one is proposed.

If it still wants to school, let him make arrangements prior to her husband, unless it turns out these requirements would be stumbling in domestic life. If this happens, then it is obligatory for him to prioritize cases that can bring peace and purify itself by choosing to marry. Let him take a lesson from the women who married late. Due to the above reasons, eventually they lose a lot of opportunities and rewards.

[Copied from the magazine edition of As-Sunnah 07 / Year VII / 1424H / 2003M Published Lajnah Foundation Istiqomah Surakarta, Jl. Solo - Purwodadi Km. 8 Selokaton Gondangrejo Solo 57 183 Tel. 08121533647, 08157579296]

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